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6th August 2007

1:30am: Wandering
Here I sit, wide awake and mind a blaze with all kinds of thoughts...

The best I can explain it is like when your a child. You dream of what your going to be when you're older, whom you're going to be with etc... Tonight I sit thinking back to when I was a boy, all the dreams I had all the things I wanted to do. Now 25, I realize I haven't really accomplished all that much. I have accomplishments in life, respect at work but, it isn't enough. Something is missing in my life, I could say companionship but would that really make it all the better? Is that what my life is lacking? The perfect relationship, someone that loves me just for me, faults and all. We all want someone to share our life with, our excitements and also our hardships, but would that really dig me out of the rut I have gotten myself into?

I would love to say a vacation would change my mood as of late, getting away from it all. I'm sure the time away would be a nice distraction, but all the same, my life would be sitting here staring me in the face when I got back.

So I sit here left wondering what do I do. Sit by idly as life passes me by just rolling with the punches? Or Man up and take control of my own life and make some changes? I know the ladder is the right choice to make in my situation. But taking a step back and looking at it all I feel small almost defeated. I take one step forward then I get punched in the face and dragged 12 back it seems lately.

Life is short, and we only get one shot it at. We can either make the best of it, or bitch and take no action. Tonight I bitch, tomorrow I believe there to be a change in the wind.

So I'll leave you with a quote I find oddly amusing to me right now.

"Youth is wasted on the young"
-George Bernard Shaw

27th July 2007

12:41am: Road Trip Bitches~!
So I'm sitting out in front of jlasher house in our rented RV preparing for a grand adventure to the following destinations.

A) Poxy Boggards / Young Dubliners show in Santa Ana tomorrow night.
B) Comic Con in San Diego Saturday and Sunday night. :D

Right now we have the MAC's setup on the wireless network the Wii plugged into the TV and the fridge loaded with booze! Mmmmm yummy yummy booze. Speaking of booze, I have been drinking a lot as of late, I dunno I have gotten the drinking bug again and picked the bottle back up where I left it about 3 years ago. Anyways, I hasn't effected my work just my sleep and I can live with a little lost sleep. You get plenty sleep when your dead! ;)

So anyways in other news...

My mood has lightened up a bit since this week has started. I'm still dead fucking tired but the excitement of the trip has me wired, or maybe thats the DP. Hmmm *ponder ponder ponder* I just get a bit frustrated when dear friends are having an issue and I can't help to make them happier or whatever. Its also a bit worse when its the girl I'm seeing. :( Things have gotten better so thats helped the mood a bit, will see what the weekend brings us.

Anyways, I need to get back to packing and loading the RV. Ill update more from the road.

-Tony
-fr3ak
Current Mood: excited

25th July 2007

7:41pm: Yes i'm back, Back again.
its been 144 weeks since my last post, holy hell. And what the fuck much has changed not a whole lot. Still in CA, still not that crazy about it and blah blah blah blah. I'll post something more meaningful when Im not in a piss poor mood.
Current Mood: numb

15th October 2004

6:53pm: Hrm.

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First & Middle Names
Age
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Favorite Color
Zodiac Sign
How Hot Are You? Hot as Hell!
You Will Have Sex This Week FALSE
# of Future Sexual Partners 30
$ Someone Would Pay to Be With You $537.37
Your Sexiness Rating - 98%
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Current Mood: bored

22nd August 2004

6:44pm: beeeen a while
Its been a while since i last updated this thinger. So here we go.

So lets see where did i leave off.. Oh work is going well so far its nice to work with friends. Though the 90 some-odd mile (one way mind you) 180ish miles round trip per day is starting to be hell.. But its fun i get paid pretty well and yah its fun. So other then drive from hell its not a bad gig.

Amanda left for home on 8-3 . we went to Denver and i flew home from there on the 5th to start work on the 6th. It really sucks not having her here anymore. I miss her alot. We did decided to continue to date again. Which made me happy and sad, knowing she is going to be 3000 miles away from me. I am goin back to MD on the 3rd of September for her birthday. I cant wait for that. I keep counting the days like a dork. But oh well i am a dork as well as a computer geek. But ive come to grips with that loonnng ago. This has been pretty much story of my life.. work sleep miss Amanda.

I did however go and see a play my sister was in last night The King . It was a really good show if you like Elvis. The impersonator wasn't the best of seen but all and all it was alot of laughs.

Anyways i really dont have much else to say here i guess. Tomorrow starts another work week. Were rolling out a few new servers etc. Should be fun and keep me busy and mind off missing Amanda. So until next time.

same bat time same bat channel
Current Mood: sad

1st August 2004

2:07am: Eev00L BLADE MastoR!Collapse )
RPG~~Collapse )

23rd July 2004

2:45am: I think hell has frozen over..
So i was offered a really sweet job Tuesday night, and after a few hours of talking it over with the parents ive decided to take it.. Weeee... Me working.. wtf?! The world must be spinning out of control.. The guy who has been the biggest procrastinator.. Anyways more to come as i get the details but its up in LA working with a few pretty good friends. So i guess i get to move out on my own too.. *skkaarrryy*
Current Mood: amused

9th July 2004

11:54pm: Today was a better day..
Just wanted to say thanks to all you who posted during yesterdays shity day. Even though your all far away your good friends..
Now time to sleep or something.

Tony
Current Mood: content

8th July 2004

9:51pm: What do you do when the life you make your own is teetering like a Janga set? Today i can to the realization that another one of my best friends in the whole world is leaving me to move back home.. I hate where i live, i dont see anything good coming from me living in this hell called "The Inland Empire". To me an empire should be great and wounderfull.. Fun around every corner.. When in reality its sucking the life out a me. My closest is going to be an hour and a half away.. Then they just get further and further away..

So what do i do? Try to pick up the broken pieces of my life? When every time i have tried to do this before ive only ended up cutting my fingers on the edges. I haven t been this depressed since before i first met Amanda when she came out. They say life is like a roller coaster with ups and downs, but it seems mine is like Free Fall at Six Flags.. A straight drop down to rock bottom.

I feel myself slowly slipping back into my old routine. Wake up shower get on the computer and lose myself in a fake made up world where nothing is wrong and i can pretend to be happy. Then after a few months of that i start to hit the only comfort i have left.. A cold bottle of vodka and a pack of smokes.

I've fought the urge to cry about 4 times today.. How did it get to this again? I cant stand it. My life is spiraling out of control. I want to crawl under a rock and just stay there till its over.. Or till some glimpse of a light at the end of the tunnel is in sight. But i dont see that happening for a while anyways. Everything happens for a reason. But what could possibly be the reason for all the pain and hurt i feel. Its as if someone has taken a spork jabbed it into my chest and riped my heart out.. Then paraded it around my face laughing at me.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.. I can only hope anyways.
Current Mood: depressed

6th July 2004

6:55pm: grrrr stop staling meh
willoe's LJ stalker is daemonfury!
daemonfury is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also eating your food when you aren't looking!


LiveJournal Username:


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5th July 2004

7:14pm: oww my head hurts..
My 4th was a blast.. fun filled day in the sun with mucho booze.. mmmm boooze.. I never realized how kickass my moms community was.. (canyon lakes) that place was crazy yesterday.. was reminded of being up at Lake Havasue over spring break.. everywhere boats beer and girls.. so much fun.. There fire works were some of the best ive seen.. Well anyways back to laying on the bed takin advil.. weeee
Current Mood: content

30th June 2004

11:33pm: Random mishmash of thoughts
I often try to look to the future see myself married with a good job maybe starting a family.. But lately life has handed me a crappy hand... How do you tell the person who loves you most.. That you only love them as a friend now.. This last week has been the hardest week in my life. Ive never been on this end of an ending relationship.. I always thought it would be easier, but no its as hard or harder to deal with.. I feel like im the worlds biggest asshole. All ive wanted to do was get out a here go see all my old friends. I really have no one out here at the new house other then my parents.. it sucks.. im depressed i have no friends im 1 test away from finishing school and im scared to.. i guess RL scares me.. i haven t gotten a goodnight sleep (without taking pills) in over a month. at least i haven t started drinking again.. maybe tonight ill get some sleep.. *sigh*

One of my very best friends in the whole world moved away the 22 baobh. And i didnt even go to see her off.. I feel like shit for this too.. gah my life is spinning out a control and i dont know what to do..

anyways.. whatever.. ill live.. ive always pulled through..

enough random bullshit..
Current Mood: depressed

4th June 2004

2:42pm: heh
stolen from daemonfury

WWicked
IIdeal
LLoud
LLight
OOverwhelming
EExquisite

Name / Username:


Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

and

TTrustworthy
OOrganic
NNutty
YYummy

Name / Username:


Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
Current Mood: happy

3rd June 2004

9:30pm: bleh
Been staring at the computer for about 9ish hours now. My head hurts. But, 2 more tests to go then im done with school. yahh. anyways.. back to staring at the screen letting myself go numb.. JOY!
Current Mood: depressed

17th April 2004

3:30pm: Y@Y
Happy birthday to me!
Current Mood: happy

15th April 2004

10:22pm: bow bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Kinky Are You?
Name:
Your Amount of Kink in Percentage Form: - 95%
Are you more of a master or slave? Master
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Current Mood: cynical

14th April 2004

2:53pm: My tat.
Just a few pics of my tat.Collapse )
Current Mood: confused

9th April 2004

7:05pm: mmm
orgasm to death



You Will Die Orgasming To Death!


When it comes to sex, you're like an energizer bunny on crack.

While this is normally a good thing, you don't cool down when you should.

If you're going to bite the big one while your naked, it will be simple.

Too much fun, and your heart will give out. What a way to go!



How Will You Die Having Sex?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Current Mood: happy

7th April 2004

6:00pm: YOU fill in the blanks about ME, and post it in a reply here. Then post a blank one in your journal so your friends can return the favor to you. Be honest - they're really amusing to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!

Your name:
Where did we meet?:
Take a stab at my middle name:
How long have you known me?:
Do I smoke?:
Do I believe in God?:
What was your first impression of me upon meeting?:
What's my age?:
And my birthday?:
What color hair do I have?:
What color eyes:
Do I have any siblings?:
If so, how many?:
Name(s)?:
What's one of my favorite things to do?:
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?:
What's my favorite type of music?:
What is the best feature about me?:
Am I shy or outgoing?:
Would you say I am funny?:
Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?:
Any special talents?:
Would you consider me a friend?:
Have you ever seen me cry?:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?:
What's your favorite memory of me?:
What single trait about me annoys you the most?:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would you want to have with us?
Current Mood: aggravated

18th March 2004

11:59am: RAARRR


You are dark and mysterious

Even those that know you sometimes question how well they really know you.

You are misunderstood.

Most people think you are odd, and few can see past that eerie presence of yours.

Deep inside, you are sensitive, smart, and have a gentle heart.

Got Angst?


Take the Which Everquest Class are you? Quiz! Designed by Sorgaine LunasGlory - Walkers of Vazaelle
Current Mood: hungry

9th February 2004

10:34pm: Weeee


create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide
10:26pm: Moving is the suck!
Well its been a while since i have posted anything, been busy with the move and all.. Finally getting all settled in and such. There is still a way to go though before it feels like home again. Been pretty stressed out abut school recently not being able to study much since i have been busy unpacking putting things together and waiting on lame ass verizon to finally get my Internet working. Im to damed easily distracted.. (ohhh shinny thingss).. Anyways im heading into school Wednesday maybe then i can not be so distracted and get some shit done..
Current Mood: happy

9th January 2004

10:16am: **Cold so very cold*
So im here at work with mandy, and finaly warming up.. Brrrrrr this california boy is suited for cold weather. Well anyways, more to come when we finish driving out..
Current Mood: cold
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